Hudy XIXb

Chapter XIXb - A Bull at Moneymore Fair
[this story was not in the 1841 booklet]

After handsomely regaling the party with the horse-jockey's half-guinea, our hero and his gay companion were strolling up the street when a group of cattle passed, marshalled by a majestic bull whose eye "of swarthy hue" shot defiance on all sides, and whose low hollow growl, like the thunder-tones of an organ, carried terror into many a heart. Some bright association struck the Clift's fancy. Dick read the prelude of some wild feat in his excited features, and, resolving to strike a chord in unison, sliliy remarked, "What a splendid-looking animal."

"Bad luck to the finer - but he's a wicked rogue, and wouldn't he be well worth a taming?"

Dick now saw his cue, and replied, "Aye, but who could do it? There's not a man in the fair dare rouse that noble fellow."

"Isn't there, by my sowl?" and the eye of the Clift literally shot fire.

Off went the great-coat - on went the spurs. He gave a spring - a wild scream - and to the great dismay of all beholders, off he went after the bull. Not as a biped - not as a quadruped: but turning on hands and feet like a coach wheel, with astonishing velocity he flung himself into the middle of the herd, darted to his feet, and with all the agility and reckless glee of a monkey bounded onto the back of the bull - but in evident violation of the settled laws of horsemanship, for he sat there perched with his face to the animal's tail.

The fair was full, the streets of the town crammed; the various stalls with various wares exhibited all their allurements: fruit stands, hampers of eggs, crates of delf, sweetmeats, soft goods, baskets of hardware, merry-go-rounds, and gambling tables (on a small scale). In a word, every temptation that might possibly wile the penny out of the purse was in perfect preparation, when this mad act of our hero dashed their hopes, and dissipated all their dreams. The uproar thus created among the different tribes of animals, rational and irrational, baffles all description. An electric shock has neither a more rapid nor more astounding effect.

It were no easy matter to fathom the speculations of the bull on the unceremonious visit of his rider; certain it is, however, that he must have felt his dignity rather rudely assailed, as his solemn gravity of mien rapidly gave way to less sedate looks and gestures - a leap to the one side, a hoarse bellow, a rapid toss of his shaggy head and muscular neck, gave evidence of anything but placidity of temper. It may easily be supposed that his first bound occasioned "a thrill of horror"; for never did a luxuriant frond of the sensitive plant, struck with that sympathy which every stalk inherits, shrink more rapidly from the touch of man than did the immense crowd, with backward bound and instinctive terror, from the unexpected and unwelcome advances of the bull.

But this was only the beginning of the scene. In a moment Hudy was firmly seated, grasping, with equal grace and nonchalance, the tail of the maddening animal. "Whew, yer sowls! here goes," - dash went the spurs - a wild horrific bound - a deep dread rearing - crash went a hamper of eggs! - "Murdher! murdher!" from ten thousand throats - and the poor woman wailing over her yellow ware, and the ruination of her spec-and-span new blue cloak - all were drowned in the universal hubbub.

Dick Keating, perfectly bewildered, mounted Shela and endeavoured to follow, but in vain - 'twere as easy to follow "a comet's glittering wake". Fancy the scene! Burns - no, not even the author of "Tam O'Shanter" could depict it; but those who witnessed it had little time for indulging in flights of fancy: for all was action. Oh for the spirit of Homer! - what materials for an epic poem!!

Just then, a well-known Carlingford man was coming leisurely down the street, leading a pony with panniers attached. With a stentorian voice he was bawling "Fine limons! fine limons and oranges - fine Chainey oranges!" Our hero heard him and, like other great men unable to brook a rival in the field of fame, he vociferated, "Bad luck to me but I'll spoil your music." He glanced around like a skilful pilot, noted his course - a twist of the tail - a dash from one of the spurs - a bound from the infuriated bull - and man, pony, panniers, and Chainey oranges, bestrewed the street.

The Quarterclift, like the destroying angel, gloated o'er the mischief already perpetrated; and as if with wicked perversion of spirit, he enjoyed by anticipation what was yet to come - for with all the familiarity with which he used to address Shela, he now kept talking to his horned Beaucephalus, or Rosinante, or what you will.

"That was capityally done - the divil a betther. Now for another thrick." A twist of the tail - a dash of the spurs - "Whew! that delf-stand stands no longer; bad luck to that bruckle ware; it's no betther nor the eggs. It's not like the oranges - it stands no hardships!"

Another dash - down went a pedlar's stall, and muslins, calicoes, ginghams &c. &c. were rapidly transferred from the temporary shelves to the more solid resting-place of a well-paved though dusty street, while by the same agency some half-dozen lads and lasses found their positions unceremoniously changed, and were rather surprised to see themselves all sprawling on the earth, or rather, as the poet says -

A' gaen tapsalteerie, oh!

Away went not only these, but stalls of fruit, sweetmeats, and every other booth, no matter for what purpose erected; for away went the bull (in our hero's own graphic language) "in through them and out through them, cutting the figure of eight as nate as e'er a fencing-master in the seven counties."

By this time the street, the town, the fair-hill - all was in alarm, and few could tell why or wherefore. The course of the Quarterclift was like that of the whirlwind, devastating - terrifying - vanquishing. Men stood in astonishment, and gazed on each other in breathless silence, unable to trace or avert the danger.

But in those days there were no Peelers in the land either to punish the turbulent or to excite the peacable to disturbance. There were however magistrates, high constables, sub-constables, bum-bailiffs, "et hoc genus omne"; and Moneymore did not want for its quota. The news of our hero's doings were carried to Rowley Miller Esq, one of "the great unpaid"; and this prince of the village with all his subordinates (like the Roman magistrate attended by his lictors) marched directly against the disturber of the public peace.

When he arrived at the scene of action, he found an awful consternation had settled down upon every visage. Man is a sympathetic animal; therefore terror, as well as any other passion, is catching. Though somewhat shaken in his nerves, the functionary, with much dignity developed in a rather severely arched brow, was enabled to ask, "What is the matter?" "A man riding on a wild bull, your honour," was the answer. "And where is he?" He had not to wait long for an answer. A wild scream of dismay - a running to right and left - men, women and children tumbling over each other by dozens, gave the magistrate more information than he liked or desired. Besides, in the midst of the vista so rapidly cleared, enveloped in a thousand terrors, and

Crashing the crockery in his course,
The foaming bull came thundering on.

"Oh curse the scoundrel!" exclaimed Rowley Miller Esq, "it is that pest Hudy McGuigan! Constables, do your duty; take the fellow prisoner, and I'll give him four hours in the stocks to teach him manners."

Hudy heard the orders; and, quite in blood with the very exciting exercise, it was little matter of surprise if he felt somewhat indignant with the magistrate. He passed with the speed of the wind - vouchsafed him a glance of contempt - a rapid twist of the tail, a well-timed dart from one of the spurs, and never did ship, on tacking, better answer the helm, for it was right-about-face without loss of time. The bull seemed to flag, but a violent dash of the spurs brought him with a bound into the immediate neighbourhood of the great man; and a further gentle admonition left him and the whole posse comitatus sprawling on the street.

"Capityal, by my sowl! - well done, horny!! The divil a betther Shela could do it herself. Arrah, why don't you take me now, Rowley darlin'?"

And away went the Quarterclift to the fair-hill on further speculation, where on his arrival his first dash was among a flock of pigs, that scattered in all directions like the contents of an exploded bomb-shell, giving melodious notice of his unwelcome arrival. Next among the horses, whose snorting, prancing, neighing, bounding, running in all directions and pitching their riders, bore ample testimony of how little they admired the fellowship of such unusual companions.

But, like other great men, our hero for once had miscalculated his powers. He had that day raised a spirit more easily evoked than laid. A few minutes saw him expelled from the fair-hill, with thousands of indignant fiery spirits in pursuit vowing vengeance on his devoted head. The bull carried him safely to the street, and fell groaning through sheer fatigue. Dick Keating was anxiously awaiting his return, but when he saw him pursued by the crowd, he gave him up as lost.

"Mount Shela, bad luck to you, and fly for it; you'll be murdhered."

"Divil a fear's; I've come through worse splores nor this; - hah! man, I bate fifty of "The Killyman Wreckers with their guns and bagnits at my back."

But it was not the crowd from the fair-hill alone he had to dread: the whole town was in arms against him. The stall-keepers, headed by the "eggwife" in her speckled cloak and armed with a broomstick; the Scot, with the cutting memory of his lost half-guinea, brandishing a loaded whip; before, behind, on each side: like Michael's angels encompassing Satan, all were burning for revenge.

"Fly, ye omadhon," said Dick, "don't ye see they're closing in upon ye; dhana mon dioul, I say, be aff wid ye."

But Hudy, though with a burning eye, still looked composedly around him. A spring - he snatched a mop from the hand of a servant who was washing a gig, then bounded onto the mare - "Whew! throw a slipper at them, my beauty." Shela, with open mouth, and something like a yell of rage, prepared for battle. She bounded forward, she plunged, she did famous execution among the crowd; while her rider, with his wet mop, spoiled many a Sunday hat,

As right and left
His way he cleft.

The mob began to give way, but the Scot, with his deadly weapon ready-poised, stood his ground, doggedly resolved to oppose the progress of his old enemy. Hudy seemed to collect his powers for the contest. He twirled the mop around his head, and the particles of water flew like spindrift. "Spring upon him Shela!" Forward went the mare with a bound - down to the charge came the mop - another bound, and dash came the wet dirty soft-headed lance into the enemy's visage, with a force that laid him senseless on the ground. "Capityal, my own wee jewel," and capital it was, for the devil a knight at Eglintoun Castle ever ran so successful a tilt. But it was only one man down, and our hero had yet to meet with thousands; the lance, however, remaind unshivered, the same sinewy arm brandished it again, and with increased spirit from his late victory he dashed among the crowd.

The ancients lauded to the skies the prowess of their Centaurs; but devil a Centaur ever took the field could match Hudy McGuigan when mounted on Shela - and that the Moneymonians would tell to this day: for on they dashed, and no-one could tell whether the man or the beast tumbled most of the enemy. At length a clear passage was forced; and when perfectly free, our hero turned round upon the crowd, brandished the mop in defiance, and roared at the top of his voice, "Vor chorpis vor nanamon dioul!" which means in plain English "your bodies and souls to the devil!" Then flinging his weapon contemptuously among them, he added with peculiar emphasis, "Bad luck to the man or mother's son among ye I couldn't bate". He turned Shela's tail to them, touched her with his spurs, and ten minutes placed a couple of miles between the crowd and The Quarterclift.

This page was last updated 7 Nov 2018